I’ve decided to move at my own pace. I know this may seem obvious or even intuitive, but with all the external noise of media constantly circling, I’ve found it important to remind myself any chance I get. It feels a bit ridiculous that I have to almost give myself permission to slow down and take a breath, but I think that’s just become part of the reality— and that’s okay. It comes with the territory and I’ve accepted that at this point.
I can’t deny it though. Growing up as a competitive athlete for the majority of my formative years, I’ve developed this internal need for achievements and constant productivity. I’m sure a lot of us can resonate. That need presents itself differently during different phases of my life, but it’s undoubtedly always there. It’s the reason why I find it difficult nowadays to fully enjoy an off day or to just sit with the feeling of boredom. This in tandem with my impatient Type A leaning personality is why I’ve found it necessary to incorporate boundaries and intentionality in order to preserve balance, protect myself and make space for other priorities in my life.
This constant lingering pressure to do more is just exacerbated by what we consume online. That’s why I don’t really scroll much anymore. We all have a different experience and relationship to social media, but I’ve realized early on for myself that my threshold from feeling inspired to feeling shitty is incredibly low. Like a few minutes of scrolling low. I know that part of it is my own standards, expectations and insecurities that I’m projecting onto myself— but regardless, this awareness allows me to take control over how I choose to interact with social media.
Scrolling separates me from my intuition and often just fills with me lingering anxiety rather than inspiration. It makes me more fearful while making me much less creative. There was one phase last year where I felt so much anxiety around creating + even just stepping foot in the kitchen that I ended up doing absolutely nothing. Even though all I genuinely wanted was to create freely, I couldn’t. The comparision and pressure was debilitating. This is why I set boundaries around media + intentionally try to create way more than I consume. It’s also why I started this newsletter. Creating in these ways feel more purposeful and detached— in the best way possible.
Let’s be real though— being productive and achieving goals we set for ourselves feels really good. We’re all chasing after that dopamine hit that comes from checking off a task on our to do list. I don’t view productivity in itself as negative— but it’s when it becomes toxic, all-consuming and intertwined with our sense of worth that it can evolve into something really harmful. It’s important to routinely check in with ourselves and stay aware of that.
Especially with the new year, I’ve thought a lot about my relationship with work in relation to my intentions for the year. I still have a list of goals (both work and personal) that I’d love to check off— but I’ve decided to approach them with flexibility, intentionality and self-compassion. Organizationally, I’ve simplified my lists + systems so that I’m able to focus on my main priorities each day without feeling overwhelmed or falling into the trap of productive procrastination. Emotionally, I’m going to move at my own pace and be my own best supporter. I’m choosing to create and collaborate intentionally while making space for boundaries and balance.
If you find yourself feeling pressured by the start of a new year— this is your reminder to take a breath. It’s completely okay to take your time and I hope you can give yourself the space to slow down, even for a second.
Thanks for reading and for being here.
Jiyoon
Hi Jiyoon, thank you again for your vulnerability. Many of what you said really resonated with me. I have to constantly remind myself that with my baking, I'm only here to have fun and create for my family. I do see that if I had a business though, I would have to work harder to not compare. For what it's worth, I think you're doing great. You create with intentionality and thoughtfulness, and that is why I follow your instagram! Keep going (at your own pace)!